id be glad to
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
