what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
