So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
