HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
