I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
