halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
