Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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