Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
