i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
