just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
