we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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