My first STD was from a foam party
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
