A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
