I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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