i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
should my penis look like a turkey
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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