Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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