Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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