I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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