Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
