stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
