She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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