so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
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Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I did not marry a roomba.
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