I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
