But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize