no you cant smoke seaweed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
