I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize