There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I could fuck to npr.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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