I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize