well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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