hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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