so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
