sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
