So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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