I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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