i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
