I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
