there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
