So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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