I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
