in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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