I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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