im drinking this country out of the recession.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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