my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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