Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
