My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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