Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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