I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
