even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
