mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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