She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is Oprah even human
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
