I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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