That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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