Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
one two three fourrrrnication!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
