He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
