how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i out mim tonsoeep
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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