:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
