Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
