I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
