I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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