I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
