There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When are your genitals available?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
