I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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