yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
