how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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