i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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