i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize