he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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