you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
