I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
