You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
