you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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