Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
